Peru Trek Inca Trail Open Challenge

As I kneeled down on the floor, head bowed, tears flowing

Two tiny hands, one on each cheek, lifts my face up to hers

I see my broken reflection in her blue eyes

She looks at me with her angelic smile

‘don’t cry Mumma, it’s ok’

She pulls me close and puts her arms around me

Words wispered by eldest, she had just turned 3

An unconditional love

This is my story

Thirteen years ago, I met my now husband

Eleven years ago, we said I Do

Eight years ago we started our family

Five years ago, my smile faded and only a small few saw me fall

For others, I’ve kept my struggle private until now

I have no logic as to why me

It doesn’t discriminate, by person or time

Like any other illness, you don’t get to choose

Emotionally I detached myself from life

I felt like I no longer belonged in my world

A smile can hide a world of pain

I worked harder, studied harder, fought harder

It took years to have the courage to share my story in fear of judgment

I perfected the happy me

The smiley happy face, nothing ever bothers her me

On the outside, you see happiness, strength, courage, determination

On the inside, I felt fear, loss, sadness, emptiness, anger, regret

It’s during these moments that I'd hide from the world

I feard judgement, I feard loss

I feard the past and I feard the future

I felt non-deserving of love

I feard non-acceptance

Most of all I feard being me

I have selfless parents who throughout my life have always supported me

A sister who is not only a friend but someone I can always rely on and trust

And a devoted husband and two beautiful girls that I love ever so much

Thank you for loving me unconditionally

It’s for you that I kept fighting

My story IS OVER, I AM STRONGER, I AM HAPPY, I AM ME

3 MILLION Australians are currently experiencing anxiety or depression.  Every day, nearly EIGHT people take their own lives.  Beyondblue are equipping everyone in Australia with the knowledge and skills to protect their own mental health.  They’re giving people the confidence to support those around them, making anxiety, depression and suicide part of everyday conversations.   As well as tackling stigma, prejudice and discrimination, they’re breaking down the barriers that prevent people from speaking up and reaching out.  They're here for everyone in Australia – at work, home, school, university, online, and in communities across the country.

Please support me in this journey, all donations are secure and go directly to beyondblue.

Jules xx